


Text You Up

by InsightfulInsomniac



Series: dads!Klaine (aka the Adventures of the Anderson-Hummels and Co.) [20]
Category: Glee
Genre: Fluff, Humor, M/M, Texting, These Kids Are Ridiculous, dads!Klaine, klaine kids are back, married!klaine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-27
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:00:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23339554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsightfulInsomniac/pseuds/InsightfulInsomniac
Summary: Kurt and Blaine’s kids decide that it would be a good idea to change some key words in their parents’ phones to other ridiculous words and watch as the hilarity unfolds.Not everything goes to plan.Dads!Klaine with ridiculous teenagers. All humor, all day.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel
Series: dads!Klaine (aka the Adventures of the Anderson-Hummels and Co.) [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1364230
Comments: 15
Kudos: 102





	Text You Up

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to a fic that was thought of at three am... because that’s where quarantine has taken me. We love online classes and nothing to do.
> 
> Nonetheless, enjoy the humor... it’s almost crack!fic worthy.
> 
> A reminder of my Klaine kids:
> 
> 1\. Tracy  
> 2\. Audrey  
> 3 and 4. Finn and Dalton (twins)
> 
> Also, “Dad” is Kurt and “Pops” is Blaine.

“I am a genius,” Finn declares, breezing into the living room one Saturday night, the designated date night for his parents, leaving only him and his siblings at home.

“Oh god. Don’t tell me you’ve written another Harry Potter parody musical,” Dalton groans, and his sisters laugh.

“For the record, that was like four years ago, and Pops loved it,” he retorts, crossing his arms defensively. “It was a hit at Christmas.”

“Anyway, please indulge us as to what makes you a genius this time,” Tracy remarks, and Finn’s back to pitching his grand idea.

“We should change a word in Dad and Pops’ phones,” he declares, gesturing animatedly in a ‘ta-da!’ motion. “You know, using keyboard shortcuts?”

“Why?” Dalton asks as Audrey says, “I’m in!”

“Why not?” He shrugs. “For fun. Imagine them texting us in the group chat that dinner’s ready and having the word dinner changed to like, I don’t know, kerfuffle.”

“Kerfuffle?” Tracy laughs. “No, if we’re doing this, it has to be a better word. Something that hits close to home and ruins something they love.”

“Harsh choice of words, Trace,” Finn teases. “But I like it. What do our dads like?”

“Each other,” Dalton deadpans.

Finn rolls his eyes at his twin. “Besides them. Or us.”

“No, wait, he’s got a point,” Audrey points at Dalton. “I think we should change the word “ass” on Dad’s phone.”

“Oh my god,” Tracy chuckles. “I second that.”

“You,” Finn gestures to Audrey. “Are the genius now. “Ass” it is!”

“But what are we changing it to?” Dalton asks. “A nonsensical synonym?”

“Let’s change it to ‘badonkadonk,’” Tracy suggests, barely keeping it together. “That’s my genius contribution.”

“Badonkadonk?” Audrey repeats, snorting. “What the hell?”

Dalton breaks into a fit of loud laughter. “Oh my god, I hope Dad discovers this when we’re around. I need to see his face.”

“What are we doing for Pops’ phone?” Finn asks, and Dalton raises his hand.

“If we’re going with badonkadonk, we have to use ‘baloney pony’ somehow,” he adds, and all four of them lose it.

“Oh, that is awful,” Audrey gasps through her laughter. “But what word do we replace, then? Dick? Penis?”

“While I appreciate your excitement over the male anatomy,” Tracy begins, and Audrey flashes her a set of finger-guns. “I think we should replace it with something used in casual conversation. Like ‘laundry’ or something.”

“Ooh, good idea,” Finn compliments. “Let’s do it. I call doing Dad’s phone, so who wants to get Pops’?”

“I’ll do it,” Audrey volunteers, and Finn claps his hands together. “That’s the easy job. Getting Pops distracted is like getting the sun to rise in the morning. I’ll do it tonight.”

“Perfect. Text the rest of us when your mission is complete.”

******

True to her word, Audrey manages to change “laundry” to “baloney pony” in Pops’ phone later that evening. Something about asking Pops to demonstrate a dance move or two and pretending that she needed to use his phone to pick the music. 

Surprisingly, the opportunity for Finn comes the next morning, where he preys on his dad’s biggest weakness — waking up in the morning. 

Finn is used to getting up early — his soccer coach likes to have 6 am lift sessions during the school year. Now that it’s summer, he’s a little out of practice, but it’s manageable to get out of bed at seven-thirty to start breakfast for the family.

At around eight, his pops is awake and already bustling around the house, greeting Finn in the kitchen before heading out on a morning run.

A little over a half-hour later, Finn hears the tell-tale sounds of his dad dragging himself downstairs for the day. To anyone else, Kurt would still seem relatively put-together — he’s dressed, showered, and his hair is combed back neatly. But when he sits down at the kitchen table and lazily flips through the latest edition of Vogue while fighting through yawn after yawn, Finn knows he’s still drowsy enough for his plan to work.

Putting a few pancakes on a plate, he brings them over to his dad. “Morning, Dad. I made pancakes.”

Kurt looks up at him and smiles, rubbing his arm in thanks. “They smell incredible, Finn, thanks. I love you.”

“Love you too, Dad,” Finn replies, slipping Kurt’s phone off of the table and into his pocket, returning to the kitchen with only a small, mental victory dance.

As fast as he can, he changes the word “ass” to appear as “BADONKADONK” — in all caps, just for fun. When he returns to the dining table with the ruse of pouring a glass of orange juice for his dad, he slips the phone back onto the table, managing to do so completely unnoticed.

And now, all that’s left to do is wait.

******

At first, it doesn’t really go as planned. The first few days are silent; apparently their dads weren’t texting about asses or laundry very much in that span of time.

Then, one night, things take a turn for the worst.

Kurt had a horrendous day at work, with his design team continually butting heads over the upcoming fall collection, a collection that needs to be finalized in the next week or so. In the morning, he had left late and not had time to make or pick up his daily coffee, and he was feeling it more than he’d like to admit. Finally, on the walk home from work, a distracted tourist bumped into him and spilled his soda all down the front of Kurt — he’s proud to have kept his cool in that moment, despite his sanity literally hanging on by a very, very thin thread.

And when he gets home, he’s greeted by the comforting scent of Blaine’s famous snickerdoodles (his grandmother’s treasured recipe), but that is all immediately washed over when he notices that his husband just left all of his dirty baking dishes in the sink.

 _That’s it._ He pulls out his phone, practically vibrating from stress and anger. Not even having the energy or brainpower to call, he texts Blaine.

 **To Blaine** : get your BADONKADONK down here.

 **To Blaine:** what the hell? *BADONKADONK

 **To Blaine** : BADONKADONK

 **To Blaine** : oh my god what is happening? BADONKADONK

Blaine hurries down the stairs, trying desperately to hide his laughter. Despite the... _unexpected_ way in which he said it in his first message, he knows Kurt is upset about something.

“Badonkadonk?” Blaine can’t help but ask, and Kurt’s eyes flash with something unreadable.

“Oh my god, not right now,” Finn murmurs to Audrey, who’s sitting next to him on the couch. They immediately text their siblings the CODE RED that they can’t reverse — oh god, this is not what they wanted to happen.

Kurt opens his mouth to speak, then shuts it again. He sighs, and then his lips twitch up involuntarily. “I was trying to say ‘ass,’ thank you very much.”

Blaine grins. “I gathered that. I’m assuming you weren’t trying to say...”

He raises his eyebrows, trying to coax it out of his husband, and Kurt rolls his eyes. “No, I was not trying to say ‘badonkadonk.’ How did that even happen?”

“We did it,” Finn pipes up quietly from the living room, and both of his dads turn to face him. “It was supposed to be funny, I’m sorry.”

Kurt sighs, looking so, so exhausted, but much less angry. “It’s okay. It just so happens that it was the funniest part of my horrendous day, so thanks for the laugh.”

Finn and Audrey lock eyes with a relieved smile, and Blaine pulls Kurt into a hug. “Aw, honey, I’m so sorry. How about I run you a bath, and then I’ll clean up the dishes while you’re in it.”

Kurt can’t help but smirk. “You knew what I was upset about.”

Blaine scoffs. “Of course I did. We’ve been married for twenty-five years, babe.”

“And yet you still didn’t clean them up.”

“I was getting to them. Eventually.”

“Oh my god, I don’t have the strength for this. You promised me a bath?”

Blaine pecks his cheek sweetly, leading him upstairs to their bathroom. “I stopped at Lush and got more of the bath oil you like. The one with bergamot?”

“I seriously love you so much.”

******

Two days later, Blaine’s finishing up the laundry when he remembers that Kurt had mentioned changing out the sheets on their bed sometime this week.

 **To Kurt** : Do you want me to strip our bed and put the sheets in the wash? My baloney pony’s dry.

Tracy, having overheard her Pops’ very confused “what the hell?” from the laundry room, texts her siblings that phase two is in action.

 **To Kurt** : *BALONEY PONY

 **To Kurt** : oh my god it’s the kids again

 **To Blaine** : oh my god, wtf. your baloney pony’s dry? I’m crying 

**To Blaine** : that’s a horrendous image

 **To Kurt** : Our children are evil

 **To Blaine** : I think we just need to use badonkadonk and baloney pony in casual conversation to get back at them

 **To Kurt** : This is why I married you.

When Blaine leaves the laundry room, he’s met with his children grinning in anticipation from the living room. 

“You all are ridiculous,” he declares. “You’re lucky we have a sense of humor.”

“We love you,” Dalton croons, and Blaine waves them off.

“Yeah, yeah. You won’t be saying that when we get our revenge, so,” he shrugs, smirking as he walks out of the room. Dramatic exit achieved.

“Oh my god, we awakened a monster,” Audrey remarks.

“Two monsters,” Tracy corrects, and Finn groans. Suddenly, all of their phones chime in unison, with a message being sent to their family group chat.

 **From Kurt** : all’s fair in love and war.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this brightened your day for a little bit! Please let me know if you have anything specific you would like to read, I would love to write/gift people things during this difficult time!
> 
> Also, shoutout to the word “badonkadonk,” which was rediscovered through a family game of Outburst.
> 
> Find me on tumblr @zigxzag-klaine


End file.
